You know you've been in Thailand too long when:
When the foot prints on the toilet seat are your own
Think it's normal to have a beer at 9:00 a.m
You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs
You look four ways before crossing a one way street
You realize ALL your problems are caused by Thai girls or cranky ATM's
You put salt and chili on your fruit
A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet
You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car
All your T shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar
You can't remember the last time you wore a suit and tie
You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire
Someone tells you that watching Thai politics is like watching two chameleons making love, and you understand the analogy
You aren't upset when the bar girl next to you eats beetles as a snack Later the same night, you actually kiss the bar girl who earlier dined on the beetles
You haven’t had a solid stool for five years
You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there
You think white wine goes well with Som Tam
You understand when your Thai wife says, My friend you or Same, same, but different
A Thai bar girl you've just met tells you that her mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away
You believe that Phuket being named the crime capital of Asia is quirky
You realize that your Thai wife's loyalties belong to; 1. Her parents 2. Her brats from a previous marriage to a Thai scum who deserted her 3. Any remaining blood relatives 4. The family buffalo 5. The family's goldfish 6.You
The Thai Navy buys a new submarine and you're not surprised when the first thing they do is remove the mufflers and hang a garland from the rear view mirror
You consider you mobile phone a fashion accessory
You start wearing slippers everywhere
You don't enjoy Songkran, instead, you stay home with a stack of DVD's
You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewelry
Dogs become animals you'd rather kick than pet
When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road
You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection
It's two days before payday, so you only go to bars with balloons strung outside
You realize that all the important words in Thai begin with the letter S. Sanuk (Fun)
You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable courtship ritual, or at least a form of foreplay
You think a calendar more useful than a watch
You go to a Thai Boxing match and a soccer game breaks out
You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus
You can't remember the last time you had a dry fart
You think putting ice in red wine is normal
You phone home and talk like a retard
You don't care or know what day of the week it is
You think 15 kb's of upload speed is quite fast
You begin to think you actually are a Hansum Man
You automatically without thinking swear in Thai
You have a Thai nickname
Lao Khao just doesn't do it for you any more, neither does Viagra
You own a CD compilation with Crazy Frog on
You don't have a problem kissing a ladyboy on the cheek
You sit in a Bangkok bar surrounded by naked girls, porn on the big screen and you just watch the golf on the small screen in the corner
You avoid walking under fruit laden coconut palms
You avoid looking into a girls eyes longer than 3 seconds.
Your hotel lets you in accompanied by 2 or 3 girls.
You know where to buy booze on officially shut holidays.
You realize your whisky and soda is rum based.
You accept 5 on a motorbike when shopping is normal.
You accept builders clambering up bamboo scaffolding with no boots or helmets.
|You count the number of passengers embarking on a ferry.
You automatically get Chinese tea to accompany your coffee.
Pedestrian crossings mean nothing.
Nothing surprises you and things are not always what they seem.
You realize Thai logic does not tally with Western logic.
You don't believe anything they tell you.