You know you've been in Thailand too long when:

When the foot prints on the toilet seat are your own

Think it's normal to have a beer at 9:00 a.m

You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs

You look four ways before crossing a one way street

You realize ALL your problems are caused by Thai girls or cranky ATM's

You put salt and chili on your fruit

A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet

You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car

All your T shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar

You can't remember the last time you wore a suit and tie

You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire

Someone tells you that watching Thai politics is like watching two chameleons making love, and you understand the analogy

You aren't upset when the bar girl next to you eats beetles as a snack Later the same night, you actually kiss the bar girl who earlier dined on the beetles

You haven’t had a solid stool for five years

You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there

You think white wine goes well with Som Tam

You understand when your Thai wife says, My friend you or Same, same, but different

A Thai bar girl you've just met tells you that her mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away

You believe that Phuket being named the crime capital of Asia is quirky

You realize that your Thai wife's loyalties belong to; 1. Her parents 2. Her brats from a previous marriage to a Thai scum who deserted her 3. Any remaining blood relatives 4. The family buffalo 5. The family's goldfish 6.You

The Thai Navy buys a new submarine and you're not surprised when the first thing they do is remove the mufflers and hang a garland from the rear view mirror

You consider you mobile phone a fashion accessory

You start wearing slippers everywhere
You start driving cars with bare feet

You don't enjoy Songkran, instead, you stay home with a stack of DVD's

You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewelry

Dogs become animals you'd rather kick than pet

When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road

You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection

It's two days before payday, so you only go to bars with balloons strung outside

You realize that all the important words in Thai begin with the letter S. Sanuk (Fun)

You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable courtship ritual, or at least a form of foreplay

You think a calendar more useful than a watch

You go to a Thai Boxing match and a soccer game breaks out

You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus

You can't remember the last time you had a dry fart

You think putting ice in red wine is normal

You phone home and talk like a retard

You don't care or know what day of the week it is

You think 15 kb's of upload speed is quite fast

You begin to think you actually are a Hansum Man

You automatically without thinking swear in Thai

You have a Thai nickname

Lao Khao just doesn't do it for you any more, neither does Viagra

You own a CD compilation with Crazy Frog on

You don't have a problem kissing a ladyboy on the cheek

You sit in a Bangkok bar surrounded by naked girls, porn on the big screen and you just watch the golf on the small screen in the corner

You avoid walking under fruit laden coconut palms

You avoid looking into a girls eyes longer than 3 seconds.

Your hotel lets you in accompanied by 2 or 3 girls.

You know where to buy booze on officially shut holidays.

You realize your whisky and soda is rum based.

You accept 5 on a motorbike when shopping is normal.

You accept builders clambering up bamboo scaffolding with no boots or helmets.

You count the number of passengers embarking on a ferry.

You automatically get Chinese tea to accompany your coffee.

Pedestrian crossings mean nothing.

Nothing surprises you and things are not always what they seem.

You realize Thai logic does not tally with Western logic.

You don't believe anything they tell you.

1 reacties:

  1. With Thailand persisting in oppressing and suppressing truth, running after the highest paying tourists to scam them and then dump them when money isn't rolling in as they expected, Thailand will slide deeper and deeper. Nothing will stop Thailand from eradicating themselves. Brainwashed far too much and rooted deep into their own misery, Thailand will continue to name itself worse on the international scene than they could dream of.

    Thailand thinks of itself as being the best and worse, demand the world to respect its idiocy, hypocrisy and human rights violations, because it all stems from the royal house.

    Well, the world answers your demands, Thailand, by staying away and turning its back on you. May not all happen over night, but look up your records the past few years.

    Never mind, Thailand. You are the best, counted, starting from the worst end towards the best.